I Am My Own Rebound: A 24 Hour Date of Self-love and Photography
A good friend of mine just reminded me: “You are the kind of person who took a risk for something meaningful. You get to keep that. You get to be the strong person who made changes and chased dreams. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t always work out.”
See, I’ve been feeling kind of angry and disappointed in myself. I feel as though I put others’ needs before my own. I put my own dreams on hold to help others with their dreams and follow through on commitments to others more frequently than commitments I make to myself.
So, this weekend, I gave myself 24 hours to focus on myself. I took myself out on a date.
I packed up a car and drove, without a plan, without a destination or a commitment. I brought my camera and sleeping gear, because I am badass and I can camp out in the winter. I gave myself permission to stop the car as many damned times as I wanted to take a photo, permission to be indecisive and permission to listen to all the podcasts and eBooks of my choosing.
I discovered something alarming.
In 24 hours, I thought about martyring or doing something because I felt the obligation to about five or six times. Wait, no. I thought about it about around 65 times, but I thought about five or six reasons I should adjust my plans (or lack of plans) to meet someone else’s needs. I had the hardest time letting myself drive, take photos and enjoy the sunshine and the ocean.
Overall though, when I let go, it felt wonderful. Scary but amazing. It’s like when you lie in the bath for a really long time, watching Netflix or reading a good book and you’re distracted so you don’t notice that you’re slowly becoming colder and less comfortable. The moment you add some hot water, you realize how good it feels to be comfortable again. I felt comfortable, content and cozy. All things that really bring me joy. I made a cozy nest of sleeping bags and heavy blankets. I drank tea and ate nice bread and read by the ocean. I discovered new photo sites. These things are my versions of love, as I am essentially a human squirrel.
Thus, I have decided to commit my rebound time to myself. I AM the kind of person who will take a risk for something meaningful and damn it, it’s going to be myself.
A bit, “hear me roar?” Heck yes.
(Some photos of a great spot I happened upon near the Ovens)
Need some inspiration for your own self-love adventures? Maybe just a peaceful commute to work? Here are some great podcasts for self-love that I enjoyed on my adventure.
Best Self-Love Podcasts
- Modern Love, my all-time fav
- Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations (I listened to this one when I got scared midway through the night. The episode with Maya Angelou was great.)
- The Savvy Psychologist (I dare you not to learn something from this one.)
- Death, Sex & Money
And finally, a great book recommended by my bestie in the Westie. The audiobook is also a great listen; it’s very well narrated. I am only half way through, but so far this book has really informed a lot of questions I have had about being an empath. Anyone who wants to know me better, just listen to chapter one! The book is not just about learning though, as it includes exercises for making your emotions work for you.
The Art of Empathy. Karla McLaren